Happy Hump Day!!!

I always thought these were Speed Bumps...

and they call this Breaching?

They've Put a Brassiere on the Camel,
by Shel Silverstein

They've put a brassiere on the camel,
She wasn't dressed proper, you know.
They've put a brassiere on the camel
So that her humps wouldn't show.
And they're making other respectable plans,
They're even insisting the pigs should wear pants,
They'll dress up the ducks if we give them the chance
Since they've put a brassiere on the camel.

They've put a brassiere on the camel,
They claim she's more decent this way.
They've put a brassiere on the camel,
The camel had nothing to say.
They squeezed her into it, I'll never know how.
They say that she looks more respectable now,
Lord knows what they've got in mind for the cow,
Since they've put a brassiere on the camel.


Hey?!?? What did you think I meant by hump day??? Gutterface!

I think I am gonna write a book...

I went to the library after work today. I like the library. Most of the time. Although I miss the shushing. It was very loud in the library. The library should be quiet. Peaceful. Sedate. No screaming stomping shouting stupid sixteen yearolds. Just nice quiet people. Anyway, as usual, I wandered through the shelves of new release books. I slowly wove my way through the stacks, browsing carefully. I really just stopped to see if they had any interesting books on Lefton China. My mom is going on (yet another e-bay spree) this time she has really gotten into Lefton. I figure if she is buying it, we should know what we are looking for. I ended up also looking at some of the diet and health books. It seems like anyone can write a diet book. I have never been so confused in my life!

This one says I can eat all the fat I want, just no carbs. This one says that fat is evil and stick to carbs. This one says only fruits and vegetables. The next one says it is all about overall calories. The next one says I can eat this one type of fat. The next one says it all depends on my blood type. Another one says its not what I eat but what combinations. Plus, all of this will fix every single one of my problems. If I follow this diet, I will lose weight which will make me prettier, healthier and solve everything. Apparently it is my weight that is causing me to have headaches, stomach aches, be single, depressed occasionally, not beable to afford my own home in the northern suburbs of Chicago (and not the fact that its bloody expensive to live here!) But if I was skinny and followed their No Fat No Carb Type O- HypoADHD UberSuperDuper BobChowAtkissmyassdiet, I will be the happiest lilbitch on the planet. Everyone around me will be miserable though. And see, I always thought a pint of Ben and Jerry's Oatmeal Cookie Dough Ice Cream was the way to true happiness.

So I think I am going to write a book about how everyone else is nuts when it comes to writing diet books and nobody really has a clue. Maybe if we didn't supersize the McDonalds and ubersize the Wendy's and DeepFry the twinkies (although that does taste pretty damn good) we wouldn't need to worry about all of this in the first place.

Well, I must go, My boys are waiting for me.

I'm coming Ben. I'm on my way down Jerry. Don't melt!

A few life lessons.

Just a few recent observations.

I really just want to share with you, my faithful readers (all three of you), a few things I have learned in my life. This also will serve as a reminder to myself. There are some things I just don't want to forget.

1. Give your friends the benefit of the doubt. They will surprise you.
2. If you like to cook, be sure to have friends that like to eat. It just works better that way.
3. Make a point to spend one day a month in 'comfy pants' being a bum. Appriciate all you have.
4. Read something stupid and silly. Just because you can understand Kafka and Nietzsche doens't mean you shouldn't enjoy a Cosmo Quiz.
5. The guy in traffic didn't cut you off because he hates you. He cut you off because he is a jerk. Don't take other peoples stupidity personally.
6. Never underestimate other peoples stupidity. That way, it won't surprise you.
7. Never ever discuss The O.C. in front of anyone unless you are sure they have seen that episode.
8. Sometimes you just have to wear silly underwear.
9. Admit what your favorite movie is, even if it isn't 'a movie for the ages' because your friends will find out the truth... especially after the 100th time they rented Lawrence of Arabia for you when you are having a bad day, just because you love it so much. Nobody can understand why you keep popping the NoDoz.
10. Be good to your mommy. She loves you. Speaking of...I am gonna go hang with mine for a bit.

Driving around Milwaukee

So, last night, while Lil and I are trying to find this pizza place, we drive by this place, it looks like a run down liquor store. Out side there are several signs but two catch our eye... Mostly this one. Maybe now I should call this blog the Home of the Meat Deals. For some reason, Lily and I found this really amusing. Maybe it was the hunger. Maybe it was the exhaustion. Maybe it was the Meat Deal.

Nothing yet.

That was a bust. No Baby yet. After seeing Poor Lisa in labor I am thinking I may just want to adopt. It looked beyond painful. Throw in the fact that I Really don't like hospitals and, well, maybe I am just not made for Baby making. No big loss. One cannot make a baby on ones own. I am very single and that status hasn't been quick to change I don't think there will be anything to worry about. Besides, most people begin to irritate me after a few months or so. Or I get Distracted. Throw in the fact that hollywood has Created this Idea through movies and television of what Love should be that nothing could ever really live up to that False Expectation. Plus my parents are so Unbelievably Adorable and in love still that I refuse to settle for anything less. My chances are pretty slim. Anyone here good with math? Can we figure out my chances? Percentage wise?

Well, I have been up since 5:30 am (that would be over 20 hours for those of us keeping track) so I am going to get some sleep. Hopefully by the time I wake up my Best Friend will be an Aunt.

G'Night!

Today is a good day

I have this thing about 3s. I like 3s. Its a good number. Jonathan was born on a 3, I was born on a 3. Lily was born on a multiple of 3. So I am very excited to hear that Lisa was induced this morning. Hopefully her little boy will be born today too. Another 3. I really like 3.

I love the fishes cause they're so delicious!

Mr. Poppers and I went to Hayashi tonight for dinner. I like sushi. I ate a lot of sushi. I also made an exciting discovery! Hayashi is now open on Sundays! Woohoo! So now when I have those urges for sushi on Sunday afternoon, I can simply hop in my xA (also Japanese) and get some nummy num nums. Yes, I did just say Nummy Num Nums.

So, for the first time in 'I don't know how many' years, I missed the state of the union address. I just was not in the mood. From what I hear, I didn't miss much. Its not like Bush got up there and said, 'Well, folks, The state of the union is really bad. We need to make some drastic changes. First we are going to bring all of our troops home. Then we are going to take all of that money we spent on blowing up a bunch of brown people because we wanted their oil and use it to help pay for education, health insurance, and housing for people who need it here at home. We have also decided we are not going to give huge companies with record profits any subsidies or tax breaks... (such as Wal-Mart or BigOil) and instead help out those of you who make less than 30k a year and may actually need it.'

No. Its not like that happened. From what I hear he said that everything is peachy keen. Perfect. We rock like socks, he should be allowed to peep in our windows, read our diaries, go through our underwear drawers, whatever he wants, why? Because he is the president of the United States of America damn it and he wants to. But there are laws against it? So, they don't apply to him because he is the president of the United States of America. Wait. If the laws don't apply, doesn't that make him a dictator? Lets take a look at the dictionary:


President: The word president is derived from the Latin prae- "before" + sedere "to sit." As such, it originally designated the officer who "sits before" a gathering and ensures that debate is conducted according to the rules of order.


Dictator: A ruler who is not restricted by a constitution, laws or any opposition.

A president ENSURES order... a dictator is not restricted by any order. Hmmmm. Sound a little suspicious.

Well. I should probably stop now seeing as Just typing the word President probably got me on some lists thanks to the Patriot Act. Wait...I probably am already on those lists. I AM a card carrying member of the ACLU...Why aren't you?