I think I am gonna write a book...

I went to the library after work today. I like the library. Most of the time. Although I miss the shushing. It was very loud in the library. The library should be quiet. Peaceful. Sedate. No screaming stomping shouting stupid sixteen yearolds. Just nice quiet people. Anyway, as usual, I wandered through the shelves of new release books. I slowly wove my way through the stacks, browsing carefully. I really just stopped to see if they had any interesting books on Lefton China. My mom is going on (yet another e-bay spree) this time she has really gotten into Lefton. I figure if she is buying it, we should know what we are looking for. I ended up also looking at some of the diet and health books. It seems like anyone can write a diet book. I have never been so confused in my life!

This one says I can eat all the fat I want, just no carbs. This one says that fat is evil and stick to carbs. This one says only fruits and vegetables. The next one says it is all about overall calories. The next one says I can eat this one type of fat. The next one says it all depends on my blood type. Another one says its not what I eat but what combinations. Plus, all of this will fix every single one of my problems. If I follow this diet, I will lose weight which will make me prettier, healthier and solve everything. Apparently it is my weight that is causing me to have headaches, stomach aches, be single, depressed occasionally, not beable to afford my own home in the northern suburbs of Chicago (and not the fact that its bloody expensive to live here!) But if I was skinny and followed their No Fat No Carb Type O- HypoADHD UberSuperDuper BobChowAtkissmyassdiet, I will be the happiest lilbitch on the planet. Everyone around me will be miserable though. And see, I always thought a pint of Ben and Jerry's Oatmeal Cookie Dough Ice Cream was the way to true happiness.

So I think I am going to write a book about how everyone else is nuts when it comes to writing diet books and nobody really has a clue. Maybe if we didn't supersize the McDonalds and ubersize the Wendy's and DeepFry the twinkies (although that does taste pretty damn good) we wouldn't need to worry about all of this in the first place.

Well, I must go, My boys are waiting for me.

I'm coming Ben. I'm on my way down Jerry. Don't melt!