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I totally get why they do this but why must they do it then. I mean- I had an interview for a new position at my job. A position I REALLY WANTED. A position I have wanted for a LONG TIME. This wasn't even the first time I interviewed for this position. They said I would find out about it tomorrow. Okay. Fine. I was ready to wait until tomorrow. I get called into a meeting and all of the interviewers were waiting. Okay. Today is the day. They went with someone else. They wouldn't tell me who. This is the second time they went with someone else. I REALLY wanted this. Everyone told me I would get it. I have the most experience, I have the degree, I have the desire, I know the stuff. I don't screw things up, I come in ON time every day, I work my ass off. I am DAMN good at my job. So, I didn't get it. Then I have to sit there while they go through and give me "constructive criticism" as far as why I didn't get the job. Mostly it was because I didn't do well in my interview. I suck at interviews. I get nervous and laugh. I laugh when I am nervous. The person interviewing knew this about me. She also knew my performance and knew I can do the job and do it damn well with little training. I don't get it. That person said I shouldn't get discouraged and try again next time an opportunity opens for that position, but that can be over a year away if not longer. So yeah, I am discouraged. Beaten down. I give up. If other people can get away with not working as hard as I do then I am not going to care as much. It obviously doesn't matter. I am so tired of being the one who is always willing to help, always willing to try so hard, always willing to do so much more and then it bites me in my ass.

One of my coworkers who knows my skills and knows how bad I wanted it, and knows how good I would have been said to me- "They don't deserve you." Its little consolation when I was told that my writing skills needed to be improved and I needed to take these things more seriously and not be so sarcastic during an interview. I was not sarcastic then, I am now, sure cause I am angry and thats how I express myself when I am frustrated. I can't see myself going back there again and again- like I am supposed to continue with a smile on my face like everything is okay? I can't go back like that. I need another road to take. I am tired of watching everyone pass me by.